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My brother used to touch me in a wrong way

I’m 17 years old now and I’ve just completed 11th grade. I’m the youngest daughter in my family, and I have 2 older brothers. One is in college, in his second year, and the other one has finished college and is now preparing for exams outside. But a few years ago, when I was in 6th grade, my elder brother was in college, in his first year, and he used to stay away. He came home for a few days, but he seemed different, not like before. Our relationship didn’t feel the same, it didn’t feel like a brother-sister
type anymore. He used to touch me !nappropr!ately, and I used to resist, and I still do. It’s been 4 years since this happened. I talked to him a few months ago, but he denied it, saying that he would ruin my relationship with my boyfriend and that I shouldn’t trust him. We argued about it on chats. I reminded him of the past incidents when he touched me !nappropriately. At that time, we were alone at and he had locked all the windows and doors. I had come back from school and was sleeping on the bed. He came in and tried to kiss me. I couldn’t do anything; I was very scared. He felt very guilty at that time. I didn’t tell this to my mom because he’s the eldest son and the most beloved child in the family. He had told me that if I tell anyone at home, he would commit suicide. I don’t want him to do anything like that because my mom has high hopes for him. That’s why I’ve kept this inside me till now. Whenever I remember this incident, I get panic attacks, headaches, and my health deteriorates. He did all these things to me when when we were alone, he used to touch me. Even today, I don’t let him touch me. I get irritated with him, but my heart doesn’t agree; it feels like he made a mistake, but he’s my elder brother, and the mistake he made cannot be forgiven.

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