Once this happened, we started talking again, and we talked. Now she was supposed to be in college by this time, but she didn’t as she took a one-year gap. One thing which was there in our relationship was that my love language is gifting, so I always loved to send gifts. I am financially very well-off and stable, so I could afford pretty much luxury items. I never minded her liking things which were a little expensive, as I knew she loved shopping, and I really admired her knowledge about brands and everything. She even taught me a lot about many things. So, this was a thing, and my friends always told me to stay away from her as they thought she was a gold digger. I never listened to them, as I felt it was our personal understanding between us.

So this year, when we started talking again, she told me she had selected to go to Pune for college. She got selected at FC College and wanted to go there. I was also so happy for her, and we again came very close. She talked to me so much, and we talked almost about everything with each other. But her family’s financial status was so bad, and she and I both knew that her parents could not afford that college or even afford her to go that far to study.

Me, who was madly in love with her, and we were in a serious relationship, as my mom knew about her and everyone in my family knew about her—even she was very much into my family. So, we mutually decided that I would help her with everything in her college and studies. Even though we were not in a relationship officially or anything, we were together because I was financially helping her in her college fees, in her PG fees, as well as her daily expenses. I decided to manage all that. And this was my decision also, so I am not blaming her at all for this because I took this because I wanted her to succeed in life because she was genuinely so ambitious and wanted to do good for her family as her family suffered a lot.

Now I paid her college fees; I even paid her PG rent and advance. Her daily expenses, everything, I was managing. After some time, once she went to Pune, she started to feel distant from me. She was not talking to me properly, neither was responding to my texts properly. I tried to talk to her, but she was just not doing it. I even went to Pune to meet her from Delhi, but when I reached there, she didn’t meet me properly. She got so upset with me over a topic that I had posted a picture with another girl during our breakup. I explained everything to her and all, but she got so mad and told me that she doesn’t know anything now. If I want her, I have to win her trust again.

After hearing this, I was devastated, but I still agreed and went with her. Even though she told this, we still spent the whole day together at malls and shopping. But whenever I said to her, “Let’s go somewhere,” she refused and even refused to hug me when I was leaving. I got a sense of something wrong that day but didn’t react again. I know my mistake, but in me, all I ever wanted was that she should be happy, and that’s what I care about.

I came back, and this kept happening till last month when again she fought, and she literally said so many things and even pointed over my character. Here, in the five years of relationship and knowing her, I never even kissed her, not even on the cheeks, as for me, her being comfortable in this mattered a lot. So I never even forced or asked her for this. I felt very bad and decided that I’ll leave her, to which she cried and told me that I promised to help her and not to make fake promises and all. Because of that, I again stayed.

Again, this kept happening. Then a few days back, she started becoming too rude to me. She didn’t want me to ask her anything, not even text her about her day. She stopped texting me completely and didn’t text from her side until she needed money for expenses or wanted me to order her something to eat or anything like that. I felt very bad, so I asked her for commitment because I said I had been here for too long and I gave her enough time to think about me. To which she again said, “I am not ready for this abhi,” and all. I felt so shattered, but I kept myself because I felt my responsibility to take care of her because I knew her parents couldn’t afford it. And if I left right now because of me, she’ll suffer in her career, which I didn’t want.

So, I kept silent. Then, after some time, I stopped texting as well, and our talks came down to almost zero, just when she needed something, and I would pay. Last week, she texted me something, to which I replied a little late, and I just texted her, “Where is she?” To which she replied to me, “Stop this. Why do you ask so many questions? I am not answerable to you,” and all.

To which I got so angry, and I said that it’s enough; I can’t handle this anymore. She called me after two days and started screaming at me and saying, “Take back all your things. I don’t want any connection with you,” and all. I still talked very calmly, but again, as I was very frustrated, I also said a few things. But now she’s gone. I am really fucked up right now because I know my five years won’t come back, but all this for nothing has made me almost empty. I don’t even have any energy anymore to even talk to someone.

I know this is a pretty long confession, but I am genuinely fucked here. She cheated on me earlier, and still, I trusted her and gave her a chance because I loved her, and I never wanted her to leave me. Even after this, her parents were not able to afford her education, and I took the charge that I’ll do it. Her little sister had her coaching fees, which they were not able to pay. I even paid that. I always thought about her parents and her family so that they can live the best and she can provide them the best. Still this. Still this. Why? I mean, why?

There were some situations where I was broke, I didn’t even have money to have food, but I have even taken loans or money from people to give her money to get her something or her expenses. I have literally made myself whole for her. I don’t know where I went wrong. I really feel funny about myself and seriously, how funny is this that even after this much, I am here crying, and someone will get her love without doing anything.

I know this is a very big confession, but I had to let this off me. This is hurting me every day. I am just trying to cope with every single day, every hour. I am crying without any reason, just failing to do the most basic tasks. Please look at mine. I really need some advice.