CONFESSOR: Actually, idk where to start from. My life has been too complicated to be explained in a go. It was around 2011-12 or something. I was hardly 4. My mother had a phone. One day, early morning my brother woke me up from my sleep while my mother was still asleep. He took me to a secluded place and showed me the phone and there I saw that it was a porn video. I didn’t know how to react. One by one, more such videos came and he started showing me all of them, though it didn’t include penetration, still it was too much. I was just a small kid and didn’t know what to do. Since then, my brother used to kiss me on my lips and again, i always used to be blank. He might be 6 at that time. He made me see all those videos and said that papa sent it. But now that I think of it that’s not possible coz my father lived in foreign back then for job purposes. This continued for sometime until finally once I informed my maasi about this and she told my mother, she scolded my brother really bad. I remember once at night, my mother told both of us to sleep in the other room and we went, he hovered over me and said “Sochle aaj hamari suhaagraat hai.” I couldn’t understand all this while what was happening coz i was too dumb to understand what’s going. I thought it’s normal. Many years later when I was in 8th, I understood that what happened with me was absolutely wrong and it was done by my elder brother. And if u think that so many years, how could you be so dumb, then let me tell you since it happened when i was hardly 4 or 5, I couldn’t really feel anything. I didn’t have any gut feeling that something wrong is happening with me, i didn’t know abt anything or could feel anything. Though my brother kissed me, he never forcefully touched me inappropriately, maybe bcoz he too didn’t know abt it. idk.

Then as I grew up, I always witnesses the sight of my mother scolding and abusing me for many things. She used to call me prostitute, characterless, and many other thing when I didn’t even know the meaning of these things. As I grew up and started understanding the meaning of all these things, I felt as if my soul was shattered. Once when I was in 1st or 2nd, I took Rs.500 from my mother’s purse and hid it, coz I wanted to buy chocolates for myself as i always loved them. The next day, I happily came from school saying “Mummaaa” and that was one of the worst days of my life. My mother asked me abt the money and I gave her the note of 500 that I had taken from her without any excuses. Only then i got to know that more money was lost from her purse. Despite telling her that I don’t have it and I haven’t taken it from her purse, she didn’t listen to me and told me to remove my clothes. I was in school winter uniform only, I removed the pants and my inner garments. All the while, I kept telling her that I didn’t have her money, but she didn’t listen to me. She dragged me to the doorstep of the house and was about to throw me outside in that condition, where my lower body was completely bare. Only if my nani (maternal grandmother) didn’t save me that day, someone might have r@ped me too like one of the girls in India. There are many such cases when I’ve been thrown out of my house by my mother. As my father lives in foreign for job, he can’t do anything, and even if he can, he doesn’t. He supports my mother each time, completely ignoring my sufferings. There are many times when my mother called me s1ut, whore, characterless and that I’m having affa!r with someone. Much more has been happening to me, I can’t share it all now. I am just happy that with time, during Covid, I got spiritually active and now, my Kanha ji is the only one, whom I remember at any tough point, he’s the only one who supports me and has always been there for me since the past 15 years, from the day I was born and will be there even after I die

And plz don’t think that I’ve made up a story, or it’s fake. It’s the reality of my life which I’ve been facing every day. I’ve told everything without any exaggeration, the clear truth. Otherwise being a 15 year old girl, I’m not such a heartless that I would create a “fake” story of my mother, on my brother and on s*xual harassment

ADMIN: How are you coping up with all this 😓?

CONFESSOR: Tbh, even idk. It feels like a very normal thing now. I just stay silent whenever my mother scolds me or abuses me verbally. Nowadays, I have stopped bothering abt anything like this
The worst part is, even today if someone says anything to my
mother, I feel very offended and I can’t tolerate anyone raising his/ her voice on her. My mother too, has gone through a lot, so maybe
she thinks her harsh words doesn’t affect me too much. But I don’t really complain coz at the end, she is the only one for whom I’m living this life, to whom I want to give everything she wishes…

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